okay pat passed out under dana's car
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
