Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
