I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i think my cat just said my name.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
