no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
