his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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