Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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