Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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