I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
