Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
