Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
