i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
