who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
