we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
