I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
