Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
