maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
