i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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