question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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