I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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