Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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