I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize