Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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