Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
