I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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