It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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