I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
