It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
