and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
