He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
