My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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