We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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