Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
