Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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