Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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