Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
