how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
