You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
