you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
