remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
