I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
