I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
