I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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