i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
