OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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