Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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