Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
