I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
