Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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