"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
did i walk over a car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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