After last night, I could never be a politician.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
