3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
3 2 1 whiskey
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
