i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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