Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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