it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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