Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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