I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
