He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
