I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize