have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
