so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
