I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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