We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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