new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
